Courtney was brave enough to post what I have been thinking since yesterday. I felt so out of the loop and more like an outsider over the weekend with the photos of Heather's wedding and the mention on several blogs about a chat that happened on Friday.
I don't have any friends that I can turn to in my "real" life. There's no one I can call up to just chat. I thought I had friends like that, but I realized that they only needed me for a specific purpose and once that was done, I was easy to let go. The ones that I thought were friends, when I look back on our conversations, they all revolve around them. They never ask how I'm doing and I don't mean to be self-centered, but I think this year I deserved to have people ask how I was doing. Granted, I do have a hard time talking about myself and it's easier to just stick to the regular "fine" when asked.
I was burned by my best friend when we were in school. We were inseparable since Kindergarten until high school when she believed something someone else said that I said. Our friendship was never the same after that. Now we are "friends" on Facebook, but we hardly ever talk to each other. I sent her a private message after I was diagnosed and it took her over a week to respond and that was the last time I heard from her. I even thought her sister was my best friend these past few years, but I never heard from her at all this summer and when I confronted her about it a few weeks ago, she said that she didn't want to bother me while I was recovering. Ugh!
I know that I need to be a better friend and I will do better about replying to blog posts and keeping up with my own blog with what's going on with me. I'm just tired of only talking about my surgeries and family issues. I need some happy things in my life.
6 comments:
Jenn, the chat on Facebook was initiated by me because I shared something crazy... facebook me your email and I can forward the email to you.. I didn't mean to leave people out, I just... well am a little embarassed :-s
Big *hugs* Jenn! It really sucks when the people in our lives abandon us in times of need. The same thing happened to me a few years ago. People say you're better off without them, but it hurts none the less. I'm very sorry you had to go through that especially this year and what you've been going through.
I just want you to know that you are loved!
And we seriously need to try to get together one of these days. I'll let you know if I'm ever in your neck of the woods and vice versa! And maybe, one day, we should just plan something and meet somewhere in the middle!
**HUGS**
Hugs Jenn. I'm so glad I braved up and posted that. I think it has opened up a new chapter in all our lives and will bring us all so much closer. Something I know I've needed. :-)
So, non-medically related. How are you? And how is the fall sports season going?
{{{Hugs}}} You are loved and appreciated and deserve to have people take care of you when you need it most.
Maybe when Heather is settled into married life, we need to encourage her to start up the blog challenges again. That gave us a common thread to discuss and something we were all talking about at least once a week! ;)
I am big on reciprocation. I have let several friendships fade because I felt I was the only one making any effort. I need that return effort or I start to question the friendship. That doesn't make it easier to do.
So my confession.
I've been avoiding you, Jenn. And I'm sorry.
My reason? Because I feel like I've been a totally sucky friend in everything you've been going through. I feel like I've not checked in on you often enough, I feel like I should have sent a card, I feel like I should have done more.
So my not contacting you? Not reaching out better? It's all about me. Selfish, huh? Totally.
I'm sorry. I'll do better.
Jenn- you're still doing better than I am. I'm terrible about keeping up friendships, and as a result, I don't really have anyone IRL other than Kevin :(
I don't have access to some of the blogs anymore - or they're not using RSS feeds, and I was so caught up I never even realized when they went away... and I can't tell you the last time I updated my own blog. I am here for you though should you ever need me - I'm just not good at reaching out :(
Oh - I should add that I love your coach's wife t-shirt!
Post a Comment