How do I let go?

Please forgive me, but it's been almost 6 months since everything happened with Jason and I am still haunted by it. He has not given me any reason to doubt him, but the fear just will not go away. He doesn't think that she found another job. He was told that 3 science teachers were gone, but he knows who those 3 are and she isn't one of them. This has me freaking out every day with the possibility that she is going to be next door to him again. He is going to have to see her and work with her. He has told me over and over again that he made a huge mistake and wishes he could take it all back, so that I wouldn't be afraid, but that's not possible.

I can't get the memories of January and February out of my head. Everytime I go a few hours without hearing from him, I think back to the last week of January when he stopped calling and texting at his normal times. I would comment that I didn't hear from him all day and he would tell me that he was busy and then when everything was going on and I checked the phone bill, he was busy talking to her. Her phone number is seared in my brain and I check the phone bill every month to see if it's on there. I don't know what I will do if it ever shows up again. I will probably have a nervous breakdown.

I cleaned out my truck one day in March and I found a pocket calendar and it said "I Heart Amanda." He told me that he didn't write that and then he tore it up. That image won't go away either.

I went away in March and when I was looking at the phone bill the next month, they were texting the whole weekend that I was gone. She had shown up at the baseball game that same weekend and my mother-in-law had taken Haley to the game. My mother-in-law said that she came up and hugged Haley and I was furious. I had already told Jason that I didn't want her anywhere near our daughter. Every baseball game after that I kept close tabs on Haley and wouldn't let her out my sight if "she" was around.

I guess what upsets me the most about her talking to Jason is that I don't know what they talked about and Jason told me that it was nothing and he doesn't remember. Obviously it was something to keep her calling and texting.

There are so many things that I keep thinking about and I have no reason to. He has not given me any reason lately to doubt him. He helps out around the house and he's taken care of Haley all summer. I'm just scared to death of what will happen when "she" is around him again. I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I know that if she is still teaching at his school, I will see her at football games and I don't know what I'm likely to do or say to her. I have talked to the Athletic Director's wife about her and she couldn't believe that the girl had the nerve to show up at the baseball games and stand right behind me. I'm very surprised that she didn't look for another job because I made sure everyone that I know knew what kind of person she is. I told all of the wives to look out because she likes men that are married and it doesn't matter if she's dating anyone either. Her boyfriend was dying of cancer while she was trying to steal my husband.

I need to let this go because it's only hurting myself and my relationship with Jason. I wish I had one of those memory erasers like from Men in Black, so I could just get rid of that little piece of time. I want to be happy again and not have this fear in the back of my mind.