On Friday my boss came in and for the past year he has acted like a jerk. We started working in the Dallas/Fort Worth area and he took on the whole project by himself and wouldn't let anyone help him. He's just been awful to be around. Before that he was a very kind man who would minister to anyone about what was bothering them in their life. That man was back on Friday.
I know that he already knew some of what was going on because my co-worker told me that she let him in on why I wasn't at work for a few days. When he asked me on Friday why I wasn't looking so good, I just broke down in tears and told him. He told me that he had to run an errand but he was going to come back and wanted to pray with me.
I sat down with him in his office and explained that I really don't know what I want right now. I want my family back, but only if Jason is going to be happy. It doesn't make any sense for us to get back together if nothing is going to change.
My boss told me that we have to know what we are praying for and we decided that I wanted Jason to change his mind and his heart. I want the Lord to touch him and make him see how important his family is and how much we need each other. I need him to see that our marriage vows are important and even though this might be a tough situation at the moment, we can work through anything together. So my boss and I prayed and I've kept up the same prayer that things will somehow turn around and we can work this out.
I dropped Haley off with him yesterday and I started crying as soon as I let her go to him. I couldn't do anything yesterday afternoon and I was supposed to be packing. Yesterday when I picked her up, he told me that he did love me and he hugged me.
Today he text messaged me that he is confused about everything, but he still doesn't know what he wants to do. I told him that I will always love him and I will do what it takes to make our marriage work, but I can't do it alone. He said, "I know."
I'm still going ahead with my plans to move this Saturday. We are going to have to start over when he is ready and I'm not going to sit in our apartment and wait for him to be ready. There are issues that we will have to work through and I just want him to talk to me. I think we need a counselor together, but I don't know if he's ready for that, yet. I spoke with my pastor last week, but it's hard to talk to some people when all they can do is call Jason an idiot. I still love him even if he's made some bad choices this past week.
I'm prepared to move my life forward, but I really want my marriage to be fixed.
Thank you for all of your comments. I have saved them all in my inbox. I'm so glad that I have such wonderful and caring friends even if y'all aren't right here in front of me.
Thanks.
6 comments:
That does sound hopeful. Maybe you need to keep looking until you can find a counselor who can do more than call Jason an idiot. Ideally this would be someone you could *both* see eventually so they need to be fair to both sides.
You sound much stronger today. I can only imagine the roller coaster you're on but I know you can survive this!
{{{Hugs}}}
Jenn, I'm so freaking proud of you. I wish I'd had my head on as straight as yours when I went through this crap. You're so in the right to get things in order just in case, but I'll be with you in praying that Jason will change his mind and honor his vows. I do hope he'll be willing to see a counselor, if only under the premise of how to make this "easy" - such a poor word choice - on Haley. Hopefully then the counselor can help him realize how rash he's being.
Ugh. These men and their "friends." I know that you love him and are bound to defend him, but I still want to shake him a bit.
You're so strong!
Jenn - you are so strong.
I hope you don't mind - but I've added you, Jason and Hayley to my women's Bible Study prayer chain. That God would break his heart and turn him back to you, and that God send His heavenly hosts to minister to you and Hayley has been my constant prayer, and continues to be.
I'm glad your boss prayed with you, that you are in touch with your pastor, and that you are considering counseling. Of course you love him, even though he IS being an idiot.
Hugs, hugs, hugs.
Jen, I hope this is a great sign for your family. And I'm proud of you for being so strong!!
*Hugs* I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts!!
Jenn, I am praying for you. I agree with Roseann - keep looking for a counselor who will do more than call Jason an idiot. Even if he is not ready to go to counseling, you might really get a lot of relief (for lack of a better word) from going yourself. You are amazing - hang in there. Remember that we are all here for you!!
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