Last weekend, we had dinner with Jason's dad and his two friends. We thought the ladies were very nice. One of them is about two years older than my SIL who is 30 and the other one is probably in her early to mid 40s. FIL is 52. Jason and I didn't see anything romantic. They just looked like they were all friends having a good time. FIL takes them out to dinner and goes to the movies with them.
He was going to take the younger one camping with my SIL and her family, but SIL had to cancel, so no one went camping.
On Saturday, my dad ran into FIL at Wal-Mart and FIL introduced my dad to his "girlfriend" and he was with the older one.
Jason talked to his sister and she said that their dad wanted to come and visit and bring his friend. SIL told him that she didn't want him bringing girlfriends around her kids. I feel the same way. I don't want Haley introduced to different women.
FIL called Jason last night and asked Jason if he had a problem with the girlfriend moving in. Supposedly it's still not romantic, but they already do everything together, so why not save on bills in the process. Jason didn't know how to answer. We don't go over there very often, but I can guarantee that my SIL won't come to visit now.
I think Jason is worried that the next phone call is going to be that they are getting married.
My question for those of you with divorced parents: how long was it after the divorce that your parents started dating and then living together?
The only thing I can say is that the woman is very nice and that FIL hasn't hidden anything from us. MIL on the other hand stood us up for dinner on Saturday night and still won't tell us what was so important that she canceled 10 minutes before we were supposed to go eat. Jason called her later in the evening and he could hear other voices, but she just said that she had company. She was probably with her boyfriend that she won't tell us about.
3 comments:
Um, ready for a novel? ;P
Let's see. My mom & dad were married & divorced twice by the time I was five.
My dad and step-mom were married for 22 years and they dated for about a year or so before getting married. I can't remember if they lived together before they got married but I know I was introduced to her when I was 7ish. So. He essentially waited 2 years, maybe? I can't remember if he had girlfriends before that or not.
My mom didn't remarry until about 7-8 years ago. However, she had plenty of boyfriends before then. Some "stayed" with us, essentially living with us. I think she had 2 long term relationships both with older guys.
My parents are 48. I know that one of her boyfriends was in his 50's b/c my step-mom and I would joke about my new "grandpa." This was when I was in HS, so she was in her 30's. Before that her bf was, gosh in his 40's as well, if not older. Not sure. I always knew they were older but never thought much about it. Now that I am older, she totally had a sugar daddy. Heh. That's something to think about. Nice. They kind of lived with us. No. That is not a cool thought.
With my dad, I can't say b/c I didn't live with him.
My advice, since you didn't ask, is that try to be happy for FIL despite thinking that it is too soon. If he found someone that makes him happy and he enjoys spending time with, so be it. As long as she isn't there for the wrong reasons, then really, I would just try to accept her and get along for FIL's sake.
Now, with that being said, I did not like my step-mom at first but I was 7. My mom's bf's, I think I was a little indifferent. With her dh, I was older and like him. I never made it hard on him but again, I didn't live with them when they were shacking up.
I was well into my adult years when they started dating, hence the reason he is still known as my mom's husband rather than my step-dad. If he makes my mom happy (which nothing ever will, I don't think) then who am I to judge? She shouldn't be alone the rest of her life. To make me sound like an ungrateful daughter, I am glad she is married b/c that is less that I have to take care of her when she gets "older." I love my mom, I promise. She just drives me batty most of the time.
Hope that helps. Amanda will probably be a better source of information than I am b/c her parents got divorced around the time of her planning the wedding.
Ok, this might be a bit long.
I can't say much about the early days after the divorce because I was only 8 when that happend, but I remember my dad having a few girlfriends (3 or 4 until now). My mum remarried when I was 10 and she and my stepdad basically raised us (I don't know if he was the reason for the divorce or if they only started dating afterwards. I don't want to know). We always had a great relationship with my dad (and mum and dad were always nice to each other and still invite each other to birthday parties etc.), so it's always been all civil and polite. I mean, at first I had a few fights with my stepdad along the lines of "you can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad", and my brother and stepbrother had similar issues, but we all got over that :-)
Some people are gossipping now that my dad and his long-term girlfriend (been together like 15 years by now) are planning on getting married, but I won't believe it until my dad tells me so. He's always been adamant that he doesn't want to get married again, so we'll see. I have to admit I'm not all that thrilled with the prospect, mostly because I don't like his girlfriend all that much. She used to be a super fun and outgoing woman when she was younger, but somehow turning 50 and aging hasn't agreed with her. She started dressing like a teenager again etc... it's getting better, she just turned 60 last week and I think she's finally accepted the fact that she can't stop herself getting older. But she's also done some things (jealousy tantrums in public etc.) to my dad that I have a hard time forgiving her. But in the end, if my dad is happy with her, so be it. It's their lives, their relationship, and it's not my place to say anything. Although I do get the feeling my dad wants my brother's and my approval.
Anyhow, to get back to your story, I think it's pretty childish of your SIL to say she doesn't want her dad to "bring girlfriends around her kids". Sounds to me like she's not ready to accept that dad has a girlfriend, and is using her kids as a pretext for limiting visits of said girlfriend. You said yourself that she's a nice woman, and your FIL has been very open about it all, so I'd say you should try to be happy for him. It doesn't sound like he's got a new girlfriend every other week, so it's not like the kids would be seeing something they shouldn't.
Plus, even if it seems soon after the divorce for you, you don't know how long your FIL and MIL have been "mentally divorced" while still married. To them, it could have been over years ago even if they only just got legally divorced a little while back. I'd have more issues with a recently widowed man having a new girlfriend so soon.
Anyways, I hope that was helpful in one way or another.
My mother started dating her now-DH while my parents were separated/divorce in process. My dad started dating his now-DW within 2 months of the divorce.
Like Kelsie, my perspective on this whole thing is that only your parents can decide when it's right for them to date, and how quickly their relationships with these people should move. For me, IMHO, my parents have relationships like anyone else - I'm an adult, I'm OK, they did a good job raising my brother and I. Now, I want THEM to be happy. I certainly wouldn't want them telling me who I can and can't bring my BF around. Dating is a normal part of the human process - it doesn't matter if they're 18 or 80.
Like Miika, I can't understand why your SIL wouldn't want the women your FIL dates to be around her kids. To me, that would be teaching them that dating - FIL dating - is something to be ashamed of, and is a bad thing. Something to be "hidden." I mean, I wouldn't want them shacking up in my house or making out on my sofa, but I anticipate that your FIL has more taste than that!
My $0.02!
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