My co-worker (yes, the same one) has been having problems with her husband for at least a year. I'm sure it's been longer, but it's really gotten worse this past year. He goes out with the guys and won't tell her where he is, so then she does the same thing to him. They go back and forth. One minute they're fighting and she wants to leave and the next they are back to acting like nothing is wrong.
I really think this is why things are going downhill for her at work. She's letting things slip and not taking care of things in a timely manner.
Well, she took the day off yesterday for no reason except to goof off. We all thought that maybe she was finally going to talk to an attorney or to a counselor, but no, she didn't do anything. This made the big boss mad because she wasn't here to finish up the audit stuff. It's fine if you take time off for doctor's appointments or other things, but just to take the day off for no good reason does not sit well with him.
When she came in this morning, she was again complaining about her husband. She had an eye doctor's appointment yesterday evening in another town (about 45 minutes away) and then she ended up at a friend's house until 9 p.m. She didn't tell anyone where she was. She gets mad at her husband when he calls asking where she is. She won't tell him because he never tells her.
I told her that it's not good to act like him. I think she's making the situation worse. She needs to figure out what she wants because to me, she doesn't want any responsibilities. She wants to be free to come and go as she pleases as long as someone watches her kids. She wants to party until all hours of the night without any worries. I wanted to tell her that she needs to grow up. She has responsibilities and can't get rid of them, but she can figure out what is going to make her situation better. From my standpoint (and I only know half of the story) I told her that I think she needs to be separated from him. She's not doing any good staying with him right now because all they do is fight and then she's unhappy. She comes to work and doesn't get anything done because she's too busy reliving all of the things that she should have said or done.
She mentioned a counselor and I really think that would be good for her. I know she won't get her husband to go because he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior and she should be a wife that is seen and not heard. I asked her can she continue to live like that. I think she would because it's easier than leaving.
I know I upset her, but I was tired of just telling her that she was doing the right thing. I don't think staying out until all hours is a good thing especially especially not when she wanted me to start going with her. That's not a life I want.
2 comments:
If you didn't tell her how you felt you would have just been an enabler and that's not a good thing. Speaking anonymously , when you first leave a situation, divorce you second guess everything and every situation. When you been divorced for a while, you realize that all the little traits that undermined your relationship are still there. The good part is all the inappropriate behaviors of your ex are now their problem.
You know, I have a friend like that. She's in a completely hideous marriage and continually asks me for advice. When I gently urge her to see a counselor, she gets defensive. It is exhausting, and I've kind of decided that if she wants to be miserable in her marriage, I will let her. I have recently started changing the subject when she brings up her marriage problems. I think she is getting the hint, because she has slowly stopped talking to me about the situation. I enjoy our friendship a lot more now that we don't talk about her bad marriage. I tried to be a good friend and offer my advice, but if she didn't want to take it, that's her problem, not mine!
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