Day 3 - making up for missed Blog Challenges

I was trying to figure out what to write about today and figured I would go back and pick up some of the Wednesday Blog Challenges that I missed.  We'll start with the following:

Write about your dad. Don't plan it. Just write it. See what you end up with. Pictures are, as always, an awesome addition!



I'm not really sure where to start with this because it's complicated.  Dad is the man who raised me and who I thought was my "father" until the age of 17. 
 
Maybe I should have known all a long that he wasn't my father because I never really liked him and maybe I subconsciously noticed that he treated me differently than my sisters.  I remember even when I was little that I was so happy when he had to go on detachments because the atmosphere in the house was different. 
 
Things went downhill after my mom died.  He made me very uncomfortable, but I had no one to turn to.  My oldest sister was my dad's favorite (and still is) and so anything I ever tried to say about him, she just brushed off, so I didn't even try.  I wasn't sure how my middle sister would react, so I didn't tell her either.  I guess I was afraid of what would happen if I told people that he made me uncomfortable.  He never crossed "the line" with me, but he got close.  At 17, when he told me he would buy me a car if I let him touch me, I freaked out and cried and cried and cried.  I told him that it wasn't worth it and it was disgusting because he was my father, so that was when he told me that he wasn't my father.  I didn't know who to talk to.  I couldn't tell Jason and I don't really know why.  I went to my best guy friend who in turn when to my middle sister and she immediately pulled me out of the house.  We went to counseling and my dad talked about my mom's affair.  It also came out that after I was born my dad took it out on my sisters.  My mom even called the police, but then he convinced her to let it go and he would never do it again.  She believed him.
 
I wish my mom would have written something, anything about my father.  There are some days that I want to try to find him, but I don't have much to go on, but then there are other days where I feel like I don't need anymore family drama.  When I was talking to my gynecologist a couple weeks ago, we were going over my history because my regular doctor changed practices, and she said that I could always hire a private investigator.  I'm not sure I want to go that much trouble.  During the Christmas break of my freshman year, I was at home and answered the telephone.  The guy on the other end asked for my mom and I told him that she had been dead for 7 years and he said he was sorry and then asked if I was her youngest daughter and asked how I was doing.  It wasn't until after I got off of the phone that I thought that could have been him.